Client FAQ

Source: Dear Client Manual – STELLA 

1.  What do sex workers accept to do and what are their limits, what do they refuse to do?
No two sex workers are alike. The sex industry is made up of individuals. Each sex worker establishes her own rules and limits and each will accept to do some things while others refuse. As a client, you need to ask clearly in advance what type of services you would like to receive. Afterwards, the sex worker you are doing business with will tell you what she accepts to do to meet your needs. She will also clearly tell you what her limits are by the things she refuses to do. A sex worker’s limits are non-negotiable-you must respect them. If the sex worker you are making contact with has limits about the services you would like 1) you must accept to receive the services she is willing to offer, respect her limits and don’t insist or 2) make contact with another sex worker.

2. Is it possible to have a service without a condom?
We are always very surprised by this request. A lot of clients seem to forget that it is in their own interest to use a condom, to protect themselves and to protect their partners against sexually transmitted infections (STIs). STIs are widespread and it is impossible to know if a person is infected by simply looking at him/her. Using a condom is a part of our work. They protect us and protect you as well. We insist on their use—it is non-negotiable. It is also in your best interest.

3. Do sex workers have HIV/AIDS and STIs (sexually transmitted infections)?
Our bodies are our principal working tool and we try to take the best care of them. Similar to other sexually active peeople who have more than one partner, we care about practising safe sex to protect ourselves and our partners. Its important to know that unprotected sex puts people at risk of being infected. However, there is little risk of contracting an STI or HIV/AIDS while using a condom during sexual relations. Whether or not we exchange money during sexual relations has no effect on this. We are safe sex professionals. If you don’t know how to use a condom correctly, ask one of us and we will show you how. It would be our pleasure.

4. What happens if I happen to see a sex worker that I know outside of her working hours?
What will happen depends on you and the sex worker in question. If you are concerned about this, speak with her in advance. In general, if she doesn’t approach you it is preferable to be discrete and ignore her. Some prefer that you don’t approach them at all outside of their working hours.

5. Do sex workers tells their friends, family and partners that they sex work?
Some of us talk openly about our work while others choose to talk about it with only a few people. Others don’t talk about it at all. The discrimination and prejudices that society has with regards to our work can influence our decision whether or not to talk about it. Each sex worker will decide whether or not to divulge depending on her needs and the context within which she evolves.

6. Do sex workers have partners, lovers, or friends?
Contrary to popular myths, we have personal lives outside of our professional lives. Our personal choices can be very diverse. Some of us don’t have partners, others of us have many, and others of us have none. Some of us are single, others of us are married. Similar to the rest of society, there are those amongst us who are heterosexual, bisexual, or homosexual. Sex workers can be single or married, have boyfriends or girlfriends, etc.

7. Do sex workers hate men?
Our work involves contact with many men. Some of them are respectful while others are less so. An ideal client is one who is respectful. Our feelings about men are influenced by our work and our lives. We don’t hate men, though sometimes we may hate their attitudes and behaviours.

8. Are sex workers nymphomaniacs, do they have a dependency on sex?
Nymphomania is a word that is used to describe a dependency on sex or an exaggeration of the sexual needs of a person. People often mistake sex workers as sex « addicts » or constantly « horny » because a part of our work involves sex with different men on a regular basis. It is true that our work requires us to be comfortable with diverse aspects of sexuality. But that does not mean that we are addicted to sex.

9. Do sex workers have a history of sexual abuse?
Some sex workers have been sexually abused. Other women who are not in the sex industry have been sexually abused as well. Sexual abuse is not specific to sex workers. It is a problem that can affect all women.

10. Do sex workers use drugs ?
There are some sex workers who use alcohol or drugs recreationally or occasionally. Others never use either while others use regularly. Drug and alcohol consumption is not specific to sex work.

11. Do sex workers have pimps ?
The stereotypical image of a pimp is that of a man who controls the work and money of a women who is sex working. The reality is that a lot of sex workers work independently. Others choose to associate with fellow sex workers to share resources, for example when working in the same location. Other sex workers prefer to work with other people, for example there are those who choose to work for escort agencies or massage parlours with male or female bosses. Finally, certain sex workers associate with partners to ensure safety and protection in times of need. The stereotypical image of a pimp does not correspond with the realities of our work.

12. Why do sex workers do sex work?
Sex work is work: an activity that generates income. Sex workers work first and foremost for money.

Have more questions? Ask us!